A rather beautiful snake bite.

This universe is a very funny thing. It helps you with everything , BUT a little bit.
 I believe that if you really want something, you get it. The universe gives you everything if you just believe in it. But i wonder sometimes, why do we always get just the something of everything. Are we not even worth of everything or everything is just a sin; maybe a sin of greed.
Therefore, i call this universe a snake who is beautiful but bites which pains eventually.

Now that we all are bitten by this snake many times in our lives, we tend to not realise that it is actually a snake.

 I happen to be a blind believer of the universe and i always think positive, try to portray as if everything is positive. I aim to create my own destiny, if there is any destiny destined to be for everyone. Under the influence of all this, few people make fun of my thoughts; optimistic behaviour, few think that i am living in a fantasy or a fictional world and few others have joined hands with me.

I don't know where it is heading to, or if i am right or not. I am just suffering each day for now. Imagine yourself in a room full of cockroaches and a refrigerator full of chocolates. This is my situation. I am optimistic yet can't get rid of the negativity hovering around my head. And this negativity makes me believe that the universe is a snake which bites; and bites so hard that you don't realise the pain.

I can speak positive but i can't believe it to just come true like a miracle. Maybe that is what is missing. We all just worry too much. We have started making our lives miserable by worrying about everything and nothing. We are stressed all the time, even while sleeping. Even a dream makes me sick to the groin. How more miserable can it get?

I know the way out of this room full of chocolates and cockroaches. I need to move out of it because one can't remain satisfied or happy in a place where he can have chocolates in the presence of cockroaches. And yes, living life like this on a see-saw is hell. You ought to choose either the angel or the devil. You can't have both the positive and the negative. As I am baffled between these two, i feel like living with a snake bite which is beautiful.

I am aware of what i have to do. As i don't have the way out, i have to make one!

Self Doubt and Doubt That Shakes The Self

You are perfect. Your life is perfect. With a problem here and a problem there, you manage to settle with them and love your life as it is. You feel fabulous sometimes being single. No one is there to stop you from doing anything, no desires that you ought to fulfil, no restrictions,no rules. The most beautiful part of being single is that you don't care about anyone talking to anyone. You don't care if the person that you are talking to even each day is talking to other people as well. But then, you really don't have anybody which is tormenting enough which is why this happens:

Eves are not alone on this Earth. There are Adams to disrupt the lives of these free birds. In every Eve's life, there comes an Adam who gives her the apple of love, The apple that she was avoiding for a long time is finally given to her by the Adam that she is attracted to.

This is when we fall in love. A feeling which i am not eligible enough to explain. The life becomes more than beautiful after you get into a relationship with the one you love. This person makes you feel so deeply happy that you get addicted to this feeling. This is the most careless time of a relationship when all you do is think about this person you love ignoring all the other things. If you find a flaw, or two for that matter then, "it doesn't matter. He's a human, and humans make mistakes. No one is perfect."

With time, things start to bother you. His company, his lifestyle, his attitude towards things; all these things bother you. Above all of them, the people he talks to and upto what level he talks to them. Ethically it is not right to create a scene over these things, after all no one is perfect. remember!
But no, that is not possible. With love comes possessiveness. But with possessiveness doesn't come its acceptance. There are very few people out there who can handle a girl's possessiveness in complete terms.

I mentioned 'complete terms' because girls don't show that they are very possessive. They always think that the boy might get angry if she asks him to stop talking to this and that. In order to protect her relationship, she doesn't speak up her heart to him, which marks the beginning of 'self doubt' in her. She begins to think that she is not good enough for the guy and then her confidence over herself vanishes. All she sees in the mirror is flaw.. all big flaws.

Self doubt becomes worse when she sees him talking other girls or any girl whatsoever. Yes it makes no sense because this is a world with both genders and apart from the girlfriend, guys will have other friends who are girls. It should be acceptable, But then, psychologically it is not. Self doubt creates a situation where you start doubting the person who was supposed to be "perfect" for you. And this doubt shakes you to the core because you can't even talk about it to him for the fear of losing him,

I believe that ignoring it, not talking to him about it, makes it worse, If you believe in the person you love, you should have the confidence to talk to him about these things.

Huh! Easy said than done!
Even i can't achieve what i believe.

Inescapable Feelings And A Chance Of Getting Glued

What is the reason behind the messy, confusing, over-caring, possessive behaviour of girls,is a question that i ask myself frequently. Sometimes when i am free or i am feeling in a certain unexplainable manner, i sit myself down to contemplate on what is the issue behind my increasing insecurity or rather i would say, what is the issue behind some girls' increasing insecurity most of the time (not generalizing).

In a relationship or even friendship, in the beginning there is a lot of togetherness that you feel. Most of the time it's from both sides. Each one of you wants to stay with each other and spend most of your time with them, This phase, as accounted by most people, is the most beautiful phase of your life. It goes on for a good period of time, but when it begins to come to an end, one of us becomes more attached and more 'glued' to the other. Now if we just talk about the relationship, the girl starts getting emotional. ( don't consider that every girl is emotional, some are not, but only when this phase enters her life, she becomes emotional)
I wouldn't generalize here by saying that most girls get emotional during this time. In some relationship, it could be the boy. But it is rare.

The reason that personally i think behind this existence of this particular phase is that when everything is new, there is always a curiosity of the unknown. Along with this, there is a need,an insecurity and a sense of achievement in the beginning. You start feeling that you have achieved the unattainable. But the question is until when, does this feeling persists?

When this particular "good" phase comes to end, and the two of you don't accept it in a similar manner, one being too 'okay' with and the other being not too 'okay', then the real story begins.
That is the time to realize how much you actually love the other when you both are not talking all the time and clinging to each other almost all the time, That particularly, is the time to see if you can love a person as much with his other priorities as you did when you were his only priority.

I, certainly am not an expert of what the boys feel if they are the one with an emotional touch and a not too 'okay' attitude. But i am sure of what the girls feel.
They feel themselves literally 'glued' to the boy,and trust me it is not a pleasant feeling at all. It,in fact is a pathetic feeling to feel as if you are sticking to him too much. There comes a time when you lose the control over yourself that you always had. This is a time when the girl starts getting possessive, more insecure and messy. She doesn't like the guy to even hang with a friend who is a girl, which should be acceptable. And this is the reason why problems begin, because these are the feelings inescapable and inevitable. You know that you are getting glued, you know you are taking the freedom of the other and you also know that it is not right but then, yo are trapped.

Feelings and emotions are the traps you can't get out,no matter how hard you try. Above both of these, 'LOVE' is a trap which doesn't seem to be a trap, never feels like one, but is the most dangerous one. For the times that it makes you feel good, you forget the endless times when it makes you feel horrible. You know why?

Because 'love' is the most beautiful of the feelings undefinable even by god, and for that one moment of butterfly in your stomach, you can cry several of those lonely nights!

How much solitude does one require ?

So what is solitude? To be isolated completely or to remain in a place away from some specific people? Usually we take solitude as being isolated from some people and then getting back again when we are fine. Sometimes we are just too frustrated to stay among people and we need peace for which we carve for that particular time; often we mistake it for solitude.

I believe that we humans are very prone to clinging to each others. We need company all the time, no matter if we like the company we are into or not. We just need it. It is not a desire but a necessity. To even travel to a place very near by or a grocery shop for that matter, we tend to ask somebody to tag along. All the time we have this inevitable need of talking to someone which makes us cling to few such people whom we might despise otherwise, but because we don't have a variety of options we tend to stay with them. But the question is how pretentious is it possible for a human being to be? By staying in a friendship or relationship with people whose temperament and nature don't appeal us, are we raising the levels of pretensions in our basic nature?

 None of us can deny that we all are pretentious in some manner or the other. But how much is a question we never ask ourselves.

When i think about it on my personal front, i feel that i am just too pretentious. I pretend almost everything and when i don't, things get worse. So does that mean, we pretend because we are afraid of the worse of situations, ignorance above all? I believe that it is true to some extent as being a human i don't think there is anything that we do without a selfish purpose. Even helping someone inhabits in itself a selfish purpose of our own, may it be something materialistic or spiritualistic.

But what happens after we pretend? Human beings can tolerate things only to a certain extent but we stretch our limits usually to not let ourselves get isolated. 

My dilemma lies in the fact that in 21st century, are we searching for isolation in this big, huge populated world or we need company in a world where no one recognizes us? So many question marks are popping in my head. i can't get a significant answers as yet. Stuck in this world and with a psychology of a human being, i am contemplating upon things which bothers me when i feel ignored for no reason. Maybe confuse habit with ignorance. Maybe i am in a habit of something which is no more there and i think i am ignored. If that is so, i am happy because habits leave us as early as they stick to us. I guess then solitude is getting synonymous to peace and ignorance is getting synonymous to habit of being in a company. 

We don't actually need solitude, what we really need is the correct company.